Lets Celebrate - III

The roll flashed 16 years back. With a black T-shirt, tight ponny, fluffy Sheena was getting ready for the university. Today was the last date of submission, or else she will be deprived of her exam. She was waiting for her friend, in the mean time, was online. Like every other day, she was on video with Varun. It was a different feeling foe her whenever he was online. As if all her emotions get mixed up and start doing pomp and show in her belly. All the butterflies tease her softer parts. A soft smile embrace her face the entire time his green S in skype remains on. Sheena loves the attention Varun gives her. Varun is a busy man. They are quite a distance apart. But still, Sheena feels as if she knows every single bit of that guy. All credit goes to him. If not internet, its phone which always keeps them connected.


VS : "Ready?"
Me : "Yes.....just waiting for the friend."
VS : " Checked all the documents?"
Me : "Han baba."
VS : " I think I am in love with u."


What? All the butterflies flew away in a moment. The show in the belly stopped. She was stuck. Suddenly a lump chocked her throat. What?


Me : "Oh. U think ! not sure. rt?"
VS: ""Yes, I think I have fallen in love with u."
Me : "Get it sure, then let me know."
VS: "I said I think, because i want ke humare pyar ko kisiki najar na lage."


And that was it. All of a sudden as if all the happiness landed on Sheena. All the muscles started finding their existence on excitement. Her heart started pumping faster. She was feeling like the queen of the world. Yes, she is someones, who loves her dearly. Who is nobody else than the guy whom she wants to be her life partner for so long. Varun Sehgal. Her VS. She is in love. OMG.


VS : "Get ready, be safe, and come back soon. M waiting for u. Love u."


Sheena bid him good bye. Took her files. Went down stares. She had never noticed her complex has such a beautiful garden. So many flowers. So many colors. It was drizzling. Sheena took an auto. All the people seems happy today. She had a mild smile in her face all the time. She remembers the first time she saw Varun, she fell in love with her smile. She never though ever that Varun will love her. She was enjoying every bit of the life now. All the way Varun and she kept exchanging smses. Yes they always do. The only difference is, the numbers of "Love u" and "Miss u" increased. It was drizzling. Sheena preferred to walk. With all the romantic songs in the phone, ear plug on, she was in the seventh heaven. Yes, her man. Her man was waiting for her. No one had the idea with whom she is in relationship with. Its Varun Sehgal. Most of Varun's colleagues no Sheena as they worked together in her previous company. Most of Sheena's colleagues know Varun, and many are ready to throw their heart at him. But Varun is hers. No one knows whom Varun texts all the time, what keeps Varun smiling the entire day. Its Sheena. 


Sheena came back. Logged in. Chatted. 


It was night. She was done with all her days work. She smiled. Today she will sleep chatting with Varun, as usual. But today, Varun is her boy friend. OMG. VS........her VS. She bathed, changed herself to the night gown, prayed, and came in front of her hanging calender. She marked the date.


24th of June

Lets Celebrate II

The morning twilight was the best that day. Sheena was observing the changing shades of sky from black to violet to deep blue from her pool facing balcony. How the stars faded and the orange touched the sky. It was 4:30 am in the summery June. It will be 5 and she will rush to kitchen. Breakfast, tiffin, then hubby and kid, the maid, then office and then back to home. A long hectic day was waiting for her. Sheena at times wants to fly back, when a single shout to mom brought her things in places. She can feel her mom's worth now. 


Suddenly a sound interrupted her thoughts. Vaibhav is awake. So early? Sheena saw her 10 year kiddo rushing to the toilet. She smiled. Her habit of over thinking still prevails. 15 years couldnt change anything. But no, something is different in this morning. He phone rang.


"Sheenz... gooooooood morning." Kaira shouted from the other side. Uff... what made this girl call so early.
"Morning babes. Wassup !" Sheena replied in a cold voice.
"I forgot to tell ya yesterday...... got ready for the after office party with red attire. Red is the dress code."
"Party? whose?" 
"Man !!! u forgot??? Babes... its Rohan's wedding today."


Sheena was standing strong in her dining hall. Cold. A chilling wave passed her bones. Yes. Again today, like every year. But unlike every year, she could not skip the say by either overloading herself with work, or with a outing with child and hubby, or sleeping the entire day when she was single. Today is Rohan's wedding. Yes, today is that "24th".

Letter to Lord....

There are questions about His existence. But no one could stop building lakhs of temples throughout the globe. Why? What is there in the lifeless idol? I tell you. It is a simple human feeling, called Trust. I am no one to generalise though, but still there is something which I wanted to get framed. No, not His photo, but my feelings for him, even when I shouted and said "I do not trust you any more." This is for you my God. 

I looked at you suprised for my anniversary gift. Then only I decided I will never trust you again. For a fraction of second, the respect turned to hatred. I was aback. How you could be so mean. I shouted, I cried, and I requested. Things still happened. Then why I went to you that D-Day? Prayed, for the first time, knowing nothing about what I am doing or what I am supposed to do. I was thrashed. It was unimaginable for me to live that night and the nights to come. I was suprised Lord, you gave me so much courage and patience. I am living the nights now, without a single drop of tear. Though with a heavy heart I grab the pillow sometimes, still in the morning see my mobile for the message, or at times I avoid the topic of getting married, but Lord, I still laugh. And I am normal. Thank You.

I never came across the courage you gave me when I took my grandpa in the hospital. And the best part was, I was seating next to his dead body without my wet eyes.I moved out of the room when they asked, just to let them carry him out from the house forever. Oh Lord, thank you for standing by my side that day. Though I was shocked, pained, thrashed, but I lived. Trust me, today I am surviving in the absense of the person who was my back bone. All because of you Lord. 

My emotions always blamed you to be unfair. You remained quite. But never failed to stand by this stupid child of yours. I always kept searching for a person who will understand me,  knowing and tolerating all my stupidities, will always be there with me quietly. Today I understood. How stupid I was that I kept searching, without realizing, it was actually you who made my life a roller coaster. You always treated me like an infant. You threw me up in the air, made me realize the pain and fear. But you were always there to hold me back. Lord, I should have kept the faith and laughed and smiled the way. But I failed. Still you are with me.

I am sure whatever will come in my way, I will be able to overcome. Only because of you Lord, today I know I can stand out in the toughest of position. You are a love, a guide, a friend and yes, you are the ultimate inspiration.

Thank you Lord.

Lets celebrate - I

And all I could do was to shut my eyes tight, lie down with the pillow, make the room dark, and try to sleep. After few minutes I started counting sheeps. Though it crossed thousands, sleep was far beyond my vicinity. I was left with no other option than to get up. I sat in her bed in the dark room for quite a while, but still felt uneasy. Something inside was making her feel uneasy, uncomfortable. And I knew what was that. But for the first time I was feeling so helpless, just the way may be the islands feel while erosion. They might be knowing that the lost part will never be back, but still, leaves with no other option. I got up and dragged out my mini notepad.  Playing with words were always my pass time. But this time it became necessity. I need to hold back these moments, the moments, when still I can say, you are mine. And there is no better frame than sentences.


She never knew at that time that a small ignorance will lead to a lifetime of pain. A small carelessness will change her life like this. Even after 15 years of the not being in contact, that pain still haunts her sometimes, like when she suddenly goes through the movies which we spent together while scrawling the remote, or when she goes to victoria memorial, or sometimes when she visits the temple, where in the last moment he said, " Yahi mauka hai yaar chal shadi kar lete hain." and she denied. He waited and finally moved ahead. She did what she wanted to. Carried on with her life and moved ahead too. But the only difference was, she never took him with her. Chapter was closed the moment she heard about his engagement. Why she cried that day, what was choking her throat, from where even all the minutest memories started haunting, she was clueless. Was he true that it was more possessiveness than love? But it was of no use thinking after complete 15 years. All today I know is, I loved him and he loved me more than his soul. It is never possible for parents to understand the sincerity  till their children tell them. But again, they mend the kiddo minds so cleverly, that they can never spell anything out of the box. She never had guts to achieve,  so lost. It was an obvious defeat on her part, but what kills her inside that she defeated him as well. Tears rolled down. Tonight was again that unwanted time when she misses him beyond control, and feels like running back to the past and hug him tight. Where is he? What is he doing? Does he misses me? Does he remembers her either? Does he love her a bit? How many kids does he have? Like whom they look? Can she ever see them? What if he ever comes across her or Vaibhav? Will he be able to identify Vaibhav as her son? 


And Sheena got up. It was 4 am. Her 10 years old son Vaibhav has exams tomorrow. Just checked out, was having a cool sleep. She closed the window of his room and moved to the kitchen.She has a nice and beautiful apartment in Kolkata, where this cute nuclear family of hers stays happily. Her fun loving hubby is an IT freak. He is a firewall expert and is always in a mood to dissect the computers too. Her 10 years old son just learned to write with pen. Sheena is a perfect working lady. She is a Software Engineer in a private concern and a perfect mother at home. She knows what exactly is her priority, and what can seat in the second bench. Somewhere Sheena thinks she has done injustice with Rajiv as a wife. He wanted a second child. But she was not convinced. Why? May be the closeness of body still reminds her of someone, and the whim breaking moment is of unbearable pain. Was she unfare? Well, she has stopped thinking about it. That closed chapter has never effected her life, and she wants to continue with it. Rajiv is Sheena's best friend too, except, she never finds a comfortable zone in his love area.
















































                                                                                                                 to be continued...............

It normally happens on the day when you know things are going just perfect. You wake up at 4:30 am and by 7:15 am you are done with an hour of morning walk, a completely perfect tea time and a proper bath. Then you get down to your study table, connect your internet and log in to twitter. You suddenly find that today is Kazi Nazrul Islam's birthday, one of your favorite legendary writer. You tweet about it and wish everyone a wonderful morning. You log into facebook to find Marzi Pestonji accepting your request. You update your cover and profile pic. Just then, your breakfast is ready. You have it and get back to study. And you start concentrating, but suddenly find out, its 8 am. Thus, your flash back runs. You know someone who is approximately 900miles apart, must have woke up by now. If everything is fine, may be he is now checking out official mails with a cup of tea. He will be hurrying up with things because it is time for him to go to bath and then rush to office. Then suddenly, the unwanted thoughts. He is counting his days back, his bachelorhood will be over soon. And after few days he will become a well organised man. Then it will be impossible for me to predict what actually he is doing right at this point of time. I dont no even today whether he is online or not, coz all I did is that I blocked him. 


My table clock informed its 9 am. I start studying. And is it, that today still, I have something in my eyes which irritates and brings out water? Because I am not supposed to cry. 














Baby I hate to be perfect !

Love

And at the date, I declared myself as a failed lover. A person, who really does not understand the value of a relation. But is it so true? An emotional girl like me, who cries and laughs with no sense at times, can be so valueless? Is it that I am repeating someones words? Yes may be. But lets take some time out from the rest of the world, and let me ask myself the question which no one asked me ever. "What is love according to me."

I live love. Love is not a part of my life, rather it is my life. My love is different for different perspex. I shout and ill behave with my family. But still when I am in my greatest pain, I miss them. I shout at granny with smallest of issues. But hug her silently in the midnight and sob. I get disgusted with dad because of almost all reasons, but still he is my ideal. My mom, my friend and my worst critic. All my ups and downs, everything for her. But still I never said thanks.

I love my room mate. I may not call her all the time and spend weekends with her, but still I feel like preparing dinner when she is out. I love my friends. I can do anything for them when needed, but I can not change my weekend plan. They may ask me stupid questions and I may feel agitated, but I still love to be with them, because I too can ask my nonsense.

And I love to be the princess. I do not want "I Love You" stuff all the time, but I want a pinch of respect, which sometimes can show me that I am something more than a just nagging and mad girlfriend. Someone who can lift me a bit when I feel low. When I feel I am nobody, you can tell me, "You are my everything." Who can at times hug me and feel my heartbeat. I never knew I am so meaningless ever. 

A letter to My Room

Faded lush green is the color you are covered with.
There are dirty patches here and there in your body.
You are so down to earth that I can not hang my ceiling fan.
But still, you are my cutest possession, your are MY ROOM.


The giant box and the fridge had a fight one day,
So they stay in 90 degree separation.
Now you will ask me what was the reason?
Oh c'mon, dont you see their size differentiation?
My fridge has an inferiority complex.
And you see my little red cup board. 
She is my tidy darling.
She remains quite, thats why stand still in the extreme corner.
Nah nah, not alone.
Bogy biggy seats at the top of it, covering all the place.
He protects her.
Otherwise, where else my biggy will get place either !
I allow only Poku and Koku with me in the bed.
Areehhh.... My daughter and son.
Doremon stays awake atop the water filter,just beside the bed.
My bed, it covers most of you.
My supporter, my friend.
And the wind chime you see, hanging just above the top  of my head when I sleep?
Its he. You know who ( *shy*)
Aha.... c'mon, I imagine to be.
He daily wishes me a lovely day, 
And kisses me when I get up.
Yah, thanks a lot to your nature of being down to earth.


My dear room.
That day I thought of changing you.
Though that now you have started smelling of him.
You reminds me some wonderful moments.
And searching for some new one, I roamed around here and there for quite a long time.
I was in front of South City, when suddenly I saw a fight.
The guy slapped the gal in public.
I was shocked.
And amazed. How come!!!
On the way, it started raining, and I realized it is the same place where we smoked.
I was amazed. How come!!!
I was way back home.
I heard the evening prayer from the temple.
We have been there right at that time only.
Again I was shocked. How come!!!
I came to you. 
And I remembered, here we had laughed together, smiled together, fought together, loved together and promised to be together.
Not now, but always.
You saw it, you witnessed it.
Who else on earth did except you?
You never put conditions on me to be with you. 
I can be with you whenever I want.
You never asked me to stop my tears or flow my emotions.
You were always there by my side.
No complains, no demands.
Dont you think, you are my best friend?
No. Best friends betrays.
Then you be my just friend.
And we will be always happy together.
I love you my greenish dirty messy room.
And I love to be with you.