I have nothing in my mind to write. So many questions yet to be solved. There are so many odd answers those are popping up. And I am not able to accept them. I cannot call my life exactly something that which is a voyage without a radder. I have a aim. But I am confused about the path. There are so many things in life that you cannot explain to anybody. When I start dumping my woes to him, then I realize, yes, I have dumped my part and my heart is light now. But again I realize, his woes have multiplied. Why he should be punished because of me? Why he should be paying hard for being a precious part of my life! I am supposed to be taking his care. But again I failed. I am punishing hell lot of people who had faith on me. This ugly game of life has been presented on me shockingly, and I don't know what to do with it.

No power in office. Having fun and cubicle DJ. This time is not gonna come back. So rock the florrrrr... no... rock the office!!!

He taught me to love. He turned the stone into a delicate piece. He fueled it with love. The stone started beating - lub dub, lub dub. I now could hear its emotions. I could feel the joy and the pain. It was a new feeling for me. Confused, one day I went to him and he said, it is heart and I am in love. I was happy. Now another stone broke it. It is into pieces. He said my heart is hurt. It cannot love me anymore. And I looked into it. And oh no..... now all its pieces have started loving equally. Now I can feel the joy thousand more times. And when it pains... I don't feel like surviving any more.

When he declared... I AM NOT APPLICABLE...  the first thing that stroke my mind was, yes, he is right. I made myself that inconvenient that today I am not applicable to be one of the best in-spite of my hard work. The thing which is highly needed is a smart game. If I dont know to play, then I will have to learn.


I am puzzled in both the ways. The only thing which I need right now is a permanent solution, at least in some way. A permanent solution for a career is not possible. If only he gives a permanent say-out that, he is serious about me and he really wants me to stay with him.


There was a day when I used to think that these things are useless. Some sweet dreams that used to rule my  mind was,,,, I will live just the way I am and nobody dare to change me. Today I am a professional, where nothing according to me works. Today I am girlfriend, where I need to manage a 24 years old kid. Today I am a responsible daughter, where I need to duty my life for two most amazing persons of my life.... maa, baba. And today I am an understanding grand-daughter in who's custody there are two cute 70 and 80 years old babies. I have my dreams and ambitions, some simple wishes. But I dont dare to expose them. I am bonded. I am into an invisible cage. Something that forces me to not to be me. Love is there, life is there....... but who will help me to change my perspective? 

Lets put down something in the dash board. Lots of the works done, some free time.

I was just thinking that.......... what if today I say that I will carry on the way my heart says, not at all the way my brain instructs??? Then I realised, I cannot think of my own, my brain also is not free to think. The bird inside the cage is damn beautiful, but it has already lost its major qualification to be a bird. It does not know to fly.....

:))